TMNT Raphaels Diary
by tmnt224
Summary: Leo sees something when he passes Raphs room, he goes in and picks it up. It Raphs Diary.
1. Chapter 1

~*Leonardo*~

It was a typical day, nothing new.

Leo was walking down the hallway, when he saw Raphs door was opened.

"I know how much he hates it when his door is opended" Leo thought to himself.

He was about to close it when something caught his eye.

"What's that?" he wondered.

Leo debated rather to go into Raphs bedroom to find out what it is he saw.

"Hmmm, well one look couldn't hurt" Leo convinced himself.

He walked into Raphs room and closed the door.

"Can't let anyone know I'm in here" he thought as he approached the object.

He reached down and picked it up.

"Is this a diary?" Leo wondered

"Raph doesn't have a diary, or does he?" Leo thought to himself.

He sat down on the bed, careful not to mess anything up.

"Well only one way of knowing if it is or not" Leo convinced himself.

He opened it up. The first chapter was the date when Leo had been sent away.

~*Chapter one of Raphs diary*~

Leo just told me that he's leaving!

he can't just pack up and leave.

We need him, as much as I hate to say it!

Master splinter told me Leo can write letters to us when he's gone.

Oh yay, like he would do that anyway!.

I ain't sending no letters, that jerk doesn't deserve it!.

It's been a day since Leo left, it's weird not having someone around to tell me not to leave the lair.

Donnie and Mikey just sent a letter, like Leo deserves one!.

It's been a whole week and still no letter!

I tried to tell them Leo wouldn't write back, I mean at first I thought maybe he would.

But I was just being stupid!.

~*Leo*~

Leo sat the book down to take a breath.

"I don't know if I can read this,it's everything that Raph keeps to himself" Leo thought

"but isn't that what I need to know?" Leo tried to think about that for awhile, but it made his head hurt.

"Doesn't he know I left to be a better leader?" Leo asked himself

"I didn't mean to hurt him" He let out a sigh, then went back to the diary.

~*Chapter 2 of Raphs diary*~

~one month after Leo left~

Leo was writing us a little bit, but when I wrote a letter to him he didn't write back.

He's probably having to good of a time to think of writing to me!.

Whatever it's not like I need em anyway! I'm better off without em.

~The day after Raph wrote that last bit~

I didn't mean what I wrote, I was mad.

wait why am I telling this to a book? oh well at least it listens.

Master Splinter told me to try to take out my anger on this book, I thought he ment tear it to shreds.

But he ment to write my deepest feelings, I guess I could try.

I can't believe Leo left us, no not us, me.

I can't believe he left me! my big brother left me!.

I might not show my feelings very often, but that doesn't mean I don't love my brother.

To be honest I want Leo to come home!.

~*Leo*~

He put down the book again.

"What! I thought Raph could care less if I left or not?" Leo couldn't believe what he just read.

He heard a noise coming up the stairs.

"Oh man! what do I do!" Leo grabbed the diary and run to his own bedroom.

"What did I just do?" He asked himself, sure that Raph would notice.

Leo heard Raphs bedroom door close, letting out a sigh he went back to the book.

~*Raphs diary*~

I just killed someone today, I wish Leo was here at least I could talk to em.

The blood is still on my sais, I havn't even wiped it off.

It's been two days since I killed the guy, no one has noticed I've been acting odd.

I guess that's what you get for not being close to your family right?.

I've been having nightmares, I keep seeing his face.

All the blood, I still feel it on me.

~a week after that last bit~

I've sent Leo 4 letters already, has he wrote back yet No!

I hate him so much!

He's so perfect and I'm not.

I got into a fight with Master Splinter, Donnie and Mikey are scared of me.

My knuckles are bleeding,I smashed them into a wall, I was mad.

I should stop writing now and go home, but it's not like anyone cares if I do or not.

I think they would rather me go away and never come back.

Well I'm sure I'll write more, It seems as though everyone hates me.

Anyway I need to go talk to Master Spilnter.

~*Leo*~

Leo just stared at the book in his hands, he felt like he had a piece of Raphs life in his hands.

He heard Raph in his room, punching the punching bag.

"I wonder if he knows this is gone or not? no, if he knew he would be in here beating my face in" Leo thought

"Leonardo go to bed, my son" Master Splinter called from the hallway.

"Yes sensi. I'll read you in the morning" Leo told himself.

He fell asleep to the sounds of Raph Punching the punching bag.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter, I hope you enjoy this one just as much.**

**Please review, Thank you!.**

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~*Leo*~

Leo awoke to the sound of Raph slamming the door.

"Wonder what his problem is?" Leo asked himself then he remeberd the diary.

"aww man, I hope he's not looking for that" He thought feeling a little guilty for taking it.

Leo reached under his bed and grabbed the diary.

He held it in his hands for awhile, thinking if maybe he should go put it back where he found it.

"One more chapter won't hurt!" He convinced himself.

He opend the diary and started reading.

~Chapter 2 of Raphs diary~

It's been 2 months since he left! I can't beleave that.

It doesn't see that long, but I guess I"ve been keeping myself busy, trying to forget he isn't here.

I need to start writing the dates of this stuff, I think I will do that.

~10/15~

I went out for some air, after that fight I had with Mikey. I don't know if I'm going to go back.

But then again they need someone to stick around, right?. Leo didn't, so I guess I should.

I can't forget the tears falling down Mikeys face, how could I do that to em?

Or how Donnie looked at me, Splinter just shook his head. as I made my way for the door.

I don't know if I can write anymore, I feel as if maybe I should end this.

No one needs me, I just get em into truble anyway.

No wonder Leo left! he didn't want to be around his hot-head brother!.

~Leo~

Leo couldn't believe what he just read, how could Raph think like that?

Just then Raph barged in

"Hey Leo, you haven't been in my room lately? have ya" Raph asked him.

Leo did his best to hide the book from Raphs site.

"Uhhh,no why?" Leo asked him trying not to shake in fear.

"No reason, it just looked like someone had been in there" He said then left the room.

"That was a close one!" Leo thought to himself then went back to the diary.

~Raphs diary~

I was just in a fight with da Purple dragons, I'm hurt pretty bad.

I don't dare go back to the lair, Donnie would be so mad at me, for putting myself in danger.

Donnie kinda took over on givin the lectures to me, Mikey's still Mikey though nothin changed there.

Me I'm still the same ole hot-head, that does nothing but get people hurt.

I'm bleedin, blood keeps drippin in my eyes.

I'm brused all over, my body hurts!.

But you know what's funny, the thing I want more then pain killers or anything else.

Is my big bro Leo, I want him to give me a hug.

But if he did that, I would have to show I'm weak and I don't do that!.

It's startin to rain, with every drop it bruns my cuts.

I need to get back to the lair now, before I drop over dead.

~Leo~

"What! he got hurt and he didn't tell me" Leo clenched his hand over his heart.

"Why didn't he tell me?" Leo wondered then thought

"Oh right, he doesn't show emotions" he sighed then put the book back under his bed.

He needed to go out and train before someone thought he was sick or something.

"I'll be back to read you again" Leo told himself as he trotted down the hallway.


	3. Chapter 3

**thank you to everyone who reviewed last time** **it means the world to me!**

**I hope you take this chapter as a thank you!.**

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~*Leo*~

Leo came back up to his room.

He sat down on his bed, then reached down for the diary.

He heard someone talking in the hallway.

"Look Mikey! I know it was you!" Raph was now yelling

"Oh I don't know Raphie-boy, maybe I did maybe I didn't" Mikey giggled

"if you don't hand it to me RIGHT NOW I'M GONNA HURT YOU!" Raph yelled getting in Mikeys face.

"Don't think I will" Mikey laughed then ran as Raph started to grab him.

"GET OVER HERE NOW!" Raph yelled at him, then jumped on top of him.

"Ahh Raph, I don't know what you're talking about!" Mikey said as he held up his hands in defence.

"YEs YOU DO NOW HAND IT OVER" Raph yelled at him.

"Raph I swear I don't know what you're talking about, Please mercy!" Mikey cried at Raph, who was getting off of him.

"Fine, but if I find out you were lying, well lets just say you don't wanna find out" Raph said then stallked off.

Leo heard Raph stalk off.

"Poor Mikey! I have to return this soon!" Leo thought to himself

"but before I do I have to know what the next chapter is!" Leo thought as he picked up the diary.

~Chapter 3 of Raphs diary~

Donny didn't enjoy patching me up, he got kinda mad that I put myself in danger like that.

But he does know that's just how I am right? either way he was mad!.

I had to have a one-on-one talk with Master Splinter, again.

I also said sorry to Mikey, much to my dismay!.

Donny asked ta tell em why I got into a fight in da first place, I told em it was none of his business!.

Anyway as soon as I was patched up, I went topside again.

I'm on da roof right now, over lookin da city.

Leo don't know what he's missin.

It's kinda quite tonight, a little to qui-.

~*Leo*~

"It just ends at chapter 3?" Leo wonderd why

"but he kept writing, here's chapter 4" Leo let out a sigh, then went back to reading again.

~Chapter 4 of Raphs diary~

Well I gotta broken arm from last nights fight.

There I was mindin my own business, when these two guys jumped outa nowhere.

They were followed by more guys, of course they were.

I took most of em out, until Hun showed up!.

He slammed me down on da rooftop, I heard a sicking crack.

I knew it was my arm, I tried to get up.

But I couldn't, Hun slammed my head against the rooftop.

Over and over again, till my vison started going a little black.

I don't think I would've made it that time, But then Donnie and Mikey showed up.

I kinda blacked out after that,Donnie said if he wouln't have come right then.

Well I wouldn't be writing this, Donnie told me to stay in bed.

Yeah right! He can't order me around like that!.

So I came up here, I gotta throbbing headache.

My arm, it hurts!.

Shell it hurts, I don't think I'll be writing for a little while.

Doesn't mean I wont try though.

Well I gotta get going back before notices I'm gone.

~*Leo*~

Leo sat the book down, he just stared at it for a minute before he thought.

"What Hun almost kil..killed Raph?" Leo was in shock for a moment

"Well at least Raph is still here, I would've never forgivin myself if Raph died!" he couldn't imagine that.

He heard a noise coming up the stairs, he stashed the book under the bed just in time.

"Hey Leo, you wouldn't have happend to see a book laying on my floor or anything would ya?" Raph's eye bored into his own.

"No Raph I haven't been in your room!" Leo was quick to respon.

"Hmmm, Well ok" Raph turned to leave.

After Raph was gone Leo thought.

"I hate lying to him! but this is my only chance to see what Raph is really like and what he hides" Leo thought feeling guilty.

"I have to know what went on, and I know he would never tell me" Leo told himself as he stated down the stairs.

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**Please review, thank you!**


	4. Chapter 4

Ok, thank you all who have Favorited and reviewed this story! *Hugs you all* I'm sooo sorry I haven't updated in a while, I've just been a little busy. Anyways as an apology here's the next chapter!.

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"Leo!" Leo awoke to Raph yelling at him.

He sat up groggily and yawned then called back.

"Yeah Raph? I'm in my room" Then he noticed the diary laying on his floor were he left it.

He jumped out of his bed and landed on the floor quickly grabbing the book and stuffing it under his bed.

The door burst open, followed with Raph walking into his room.

"Hey Leo, ya seen Mikey. He's hidding from me! and I need ta ask him something" Raph had his usual frown on.

"Uh no Raph I haven't sorry" I looked at him then noticed I was still on the floor.

"Yo Leo, why ya on the floor?" he asked me crossing his arms.

"Ummm I..I.." I stuttered "I was just meditating" I told him then I got up and sat on my bed.

"Oh, well if ya see Mikey let em know I was looking for him" Raph said then left my room.

"Hmm, I bet he's looking for the dairy" I thought.

"Speaking of which, I need to read you again" I said as I pulled out the dairy form under the bed.

I held it for a moment before opening it up.

...

Chapter 5 of Raph's dairy.

"It's been a week since Hun beat me up, if he thinks that I ain't comin after him. Well he's dead wrong!.

He's gonna be hurtin so bad he wont be able ta move!.

Dang, it's hard ta write this arm it's hurtin again.

But I ain't telling Donnie as he'd tell me ta take more meds.

You what's kinda funny, well it's how when I'm hurt is when I miss you the most.

I even miss your stupid lectures you'd give me! how stupid is that?.

Man if I ever see you again, well I'm not sure if I'll hug you and tell you how much I love you...or beat you to a pulp!

I have so many emotions bottled up right now, I can't even let them out.

I used ta be able to atlest yell at ya ta let go of my anger.

Now if I do that ta Donnie or Mikey I just get glares.

Then they wont talk ta me for a long time, even Master Splinta does it!.

Why can't you just come back already, that's what everyone wants.

Their prefect son and brother back, after all why would they want some worthless piece of junk like me?.

Everyone hates me! anymore I kinda hate myself.

I'm havin a hard time just dealing with my emotions.

I'll be mad one moment and sad the next!.

Dang, I just stabbed the paper with my Sai.

Ya know, right this mement I'm cryin.

I can't believe I just wrote that down! but sense I've started with the boo-hoo junk I might as well keep goin.

Yeah I'm cryin, I'm cryin because my bro is gone and I don't know if he's ever comin back!.

He could be dead and I'd never know!.

Master Splinta told me that your still alive, well I don't know if I believe that or not.

If ya were then why not write back! huh why not Leo!.

Gosh I hate you!.

Maybe ya shouldn't come back at all!.

I don't even care anymore! ya probably having to much fun ta worry about us!.

Ya well, I'll tell ya somethin Leo.

I HATE YOU! I WISH YOU NEVER COME BACK!"

...

*Leo*

I put the book down and took a deep breath trying to hold the tears that threatened to escape.

"How could he say those things? I mean sure he could be mad..but hate me?"

"Why didn't I just send one letter, it would have made him so happy" I told himself angerly.

I let out the breath I've been holding and picked the book back up.

I opened the book up and turned the fragile pages until I found where I had left of.

...

Chapter 6 of Raph's dariy.

"I didn't mean those things I said last night, I was just mad.

Something I do a lot, I often say things I don't mean just because I'm mad.

If only I'd think just for a moment and think what to outcome could be.

After all, that's why ya left isn't it? ta get away from me.

Well I don't blame ya, if I had ta deal with myself 24/7 I'd leave too.

I'm just worthless, all I've ever done is get ya guys in trouble cause I can't control my anger.

Heck I should just let myself get killed in battle, then maybe ya would come home.

Then I'd be helping my family, cause I ain't doin nothing now.

I better be headin back to the lair, or else I might get yelled at for makin them have ta come look for me.

I sure hope ya come home soon as it ain't the same without cha."

...

*Leo*

I put the book back under my bed.

"I wish I could tell Raph that it's not true. We all love him very very much!" I sighed then got up and left my room.

I headed down the stairs and into the kitchen where Donnie, Mikey, Master Splinter and Raph were.

"Hey guys!" I said to them as I sat down at the table.

"Hey Leo! how'd you sleep?" Mikey asked me smiling.

I saw Raph roll his eyes at me.

"Good, how about you?" I looked at him as I fiddled around with a napkin.

"Good, hey Leo you've been acting odd lately is everything ok?" he asked him concern showing in his bright blue eyes.

"Yeah Mikey, I'm ok" I assured him.

"Well if you're sure?"

"Yep I'm fine" I told him smiling to make my point.

"Ok" Mikey then got up and left the room he was followed by Raph.

"Well I guess I'll go practice" I said as I got up from my chair and started for the training room.

"No"

I turned to Master Splinter.

"Sensei?"

"Michelangelo is right, you have been acting odd lately. I want you to go to your room and rest" he told me.

"But sensei-"

"No buts! you're the leader, so you need to be in the best shape when you lead them into battle" He told me.

"Yes sensei" I started toward the stairs.

"Leonardo"

"Yes sensei? "

"Are you sure there is nothing you wish to tell me?" he looked at me.

"Yes sensei, I'm sure" I felt guilty lying to him.

I turned and made my way to my room.

"Sometime I need to talk to Raph!".

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Hope you enjoyed it! please review. Thank you!


	5. Chapter 5

Sooo sorry for not updating!

Life has been busy and to be honest I kinda lost myself on this story = (

I hope you forgive me!

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I walked up the stairs and down the hallway to my room.

I opened the door to find Mikey holding something.

"Hey Leo, what's this?" He asked me waving it around.

I narrowed my eyes to get a better view.

"Raph's diary!" I thought as my eyes widened.

"Uh it's nothing, just a notebook" I told him casually.

"You sure Leo, it doesn't _look_ like a notebook" He said as his eyebrows raised.

"Yes Mikey, I uhhhh...write training stuff down so I can remember it easier" I smiled as I came up with that.

"Oh, well then I'm sure you wont mind if I just peak inside"

"NO!" I lunged forward and grabbed it from him.

He looked at me werid then a slow smile came on.

"Uh huh, a notebook..." he said grinning.

"Yes Mikey, it's just a plain old boring notebook that has training stuff inside, and if you don't leave I'll make you train right now!" I told him.

"I uh have to go ummm downstairs" he almost ran out of my bedroom.

I sighed and then looked at the diary to make sure it wasn't damaged.

"I wonder what other secrets you hold" I asked the book then sat down on my bed.

I moved my pillow over so it was more comfortable.

I opened the book and flipped the pages until I came to the part I left off.

...

Chapter 7 of Raph's diary...

"Well it's been a year today since Leo left and nobody wants ta talk about it.

He could be dead and nobody would know, not that he cares or anything.

I don't know, sometimes I wish he'd never come back.

But I'd be lyin, to be honest.

I miss him...

And right now I'd give anything just to see him again!.

Heck I'd give up my sai, I'd give up my punching bag."

...

Leo.

I stared shocked at the diary "Did I just read that! he'd give up the things he holds cloest to his heart just for me!".

I couldn't believe it, I had to read more.

...

Chapter 8 of Raph's diary...

"Leo's home! I can't believe he's home!.

But he doesn't seem himself...

He seems older somehow.

Where's the brother I knew!.

What happened to him?.

I wanted my brother back! not this person!.

Well I ain't talkin ta him!.

If it ain't the Leo that left, then it ain't Leo!.

Nobody else seems ta notice.

I just wanted my brother back!.

I'm done writin in is stupid thing, I never should've writen this in tha first place!.

So whatever, I"M DONE!.

...

Leo..

"Wow does he really think that I'm not the same person as when I left?." I asked myself feeling guilty.

"Wait there's a little more on the back of the last page" I told myself as I read.

...

The last bit..

"To be honest I didn't mean what I said, ya know that I wouldn't talk ta him again.

I guess I'm just...afraid that he doesn't love me anymore.".

...

Leo..

"That's not true and I'm gonna tell him that to!" I grabbed the book and walked out my bedroom door.

I made my way past Mikey's room until I came to Raph's door.

I knocked.

"Ya?".

I heard Raph call.

"Can I come in?" I called back.

There was a silence then "Ya, come in".

I opened the door and walked inside.

His room was a mess, there was weights and stuff all across the floor.

Raph was sitting on his bed reading a magazine, he glanced up at me.

"Hey Leo, what do ya want-" his eyes trailed down to my hand where I held the diary.

He stared wide eyed at me before recovering.

"What's that?" he pointed to the diary.

"Umm I found it in your room and I uh..I read it. Raph I didn't know you felt like that?" I slowly made my way over to him and sat down on his bed.

He was to shocked to do anything so he just listened.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you felt as though I didn't care about you" I looked at him.

"Uh yeah, you weren't supposed ta read that!" he grabbed it from me and then looked away.

"Raph, I'm sorry!" he looked up at me again.

"I do love you, I would never hate you. You're my brother!" he smiled at that last part.

I slowly reached over and hugged him.

At first he didn't know what to do, but then he hugged me back.

"I'm so sorry Raph, can you forgive me?" I stared crying.

"Ya Leo, I forgive ya. But if ya ever leave again...you wouldn't want ta come back home" he told me.

I stopped crying and smiled at him.

"I love ya bro" he said smiling a real smile for the first time in a while.

"I love you too Raph!".

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So this didn't really turn out the way I wanted it to...but I guess it's alright.

What do you think?.


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